


Sam's will

by Llixale



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, M/M, Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-08-19 18:31:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16539902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Llixale/pseuds/Llixale
Summary: Steve has a hard time understanding why Sam would have a word about everyone in his farewell video but him.





	1. Chapter 1

It’s been a recurring occurrence recently, feeling Bucky against his back, his arms around him. Steve didn’t mind, he liked it even, it was reassuring, grounding. It wasn’t healthy to count on his best friend to keep you sane and not just run away and hide. Throw everything and be left alone, far from this life of suffering and loss.

“It’s gonna be okay”

Steve didn’t believe in those words, not since the last war. Of course, he wasn’t the only one suffering and it was hard for everyone really. Bucky’s words where as much for him than it was for Bucky himself.

He took a deep breath, his best friend making him turn to look at him until he nodded.

They went inside the small meeting room, joining Natasha and Wanda. Steve was surprised to see the younger woman; he hadn’t heard about her for two weeks but was glad she was okay.

After some tight hugs and excuses, they let the tall, bronzed man in the room with them finish to set his computer and the projecting screen.

“Mister Rogers, Mister Barnes” he welcomed, his voice betraying of tired he felt. Steve didn’t doubt the man had his own fair share of troubles and grieving lately.

“Henry” They both said in returns, sitting next to their friend. Steve right between Natasha and Bucky. For some reason, he wondered if it was intentional on their part.

“Thank you for coming, Mister Wilson prepared part of his will with a video as you know” he said, looking lost for a moment before snapping out of it and press play.

At the apparition of Sam face, Steve heart beats violently, the image of his and Scott death vividly printed in his memory. The date on the video was one day before the battle and he was wearing an oversize sweater Bucky used to steal occasionally. Sam always complained that Bucky was stealing his things.

He always complimented Steve when he caught him with his clothes thought. "Don't take a deep breath in this shirt Steve, the buttons are ready to pop. Is this a new weapon? Pow Pow!" He would mime someone taking a button in the eye then "I am blinded by the pecs! The mighty chest of America" he joked. Damn, Steve was already almost crying.

Sam eyes were red and even he didn’t seem too sure about what to say.

“Hey everyone…Well, I hope everyone is here but...” he had a sad expression, not daring to say what everyone could hear loudly anyway. “Just in case, I prepared some messages for you. I know this isn’t ideal, I wish I had the strength to talk to you myself before the big fight. Is it weird that I feel like I’m not going to make it? I never had that fear before, not like that anyway”

Steve felt Natasha hand in his, he couldn’t get his eyes off Sam and almost wanted to leave. He couldn't do it, he didn't want to hear the last words of his friend. 

Not him.

“Just in case, I prepared a few things for some of you so you better be ready,” he joked with a smile definitely not reaching his eyes. “Wanda, you are incredibly powerful, not because of your powers but because of the strength of your mind. I wish you can find more hope in the future. Never forget that you have a family again” he started. Wanda nodded, a tissue in hand.

Sam then had a message for T’Challa and Shuri before talking about Natasha “Nat, you need to disappear for a while and go on vacation. Go to the beach. Go drink some Maï Taï. Live girl, don’t get drown in a life of constant fight okay?” He seemed worried at that and Steve heard her chuckle next to him and say softly “I will” in answer. “Also, I wish we could have gone to that Parisian restaurant you talked about last time”

Then, he had a message for Clint and Scott about going back to their family and not do stupid shit. A painful reminder that none of the two men was here.

He had something to say about Thor too, complaining that he couldn’t even taste his liquor because the vapours alone were making him dizzy. “I don’t know if I believe in God anymore but I definitely believe in you man”.

He had a message to Bruce and then to Peter "You are just a child and I wish you weren't already in this life. You may be annoying sometimes but nobody wants your hurt. I know you are going to do great things Peter but please, be careful'

When Bucky heard his name, he shifted in his sit, eyes laser focused.

“Barnes. No, Bucky. Fuck man…I…I know we could have been a great pair, like Starsky and Hutch or Marcus and Mike from Bad Boys. Have you even seen Bad Boys? I bet you didn’t” he laughed at that, looking around him for a second “Since you like to steal my clothes, you’ll find in my place a box with your name on it. You’re welcome thief,” he said, grumbling a “Fucking big white boys not even waiting for me to die to take my things, can you believe”.

Bucky was frozen next to Steve but seemed almost amazed and Steve could have swear he was crying.

“Anyway, while I hope I don’t die tomorrow, I know we will have to give everything if we want to win. Whoever is still standing, good luck and…thank you. Oh, I almost forgot, I have a second video for my mom and my sister. Could someone…I’m sorry, I know this is shitty of me but, I don’t want them to wait for me you know. God, I hope they are okay”

The video cut then and Steve blinked.

 _Is that all?_ He wondered. His eyes were drilling the blank screen and he could feel the others eyes on him. When it started to be clear that there was nothing for him directly, he pushed his chair aside and excused himself.

He walked to his apartment in the facility and closed the door behind him before falling on the ground and start crying.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

“This is bullshit and you know it” Bucky repeated angrily for what seemed like the hundredth time.

 

Steve dodged his fist, using his momentum to grab the metal arm and turned quickly to kick Bucky away.

 

“Good land” Natasha approved from the side of the training room. “Careful about your own feet”

 

Steve didn’t know if she was here to train or keep an eye on him. It’s been three days since that video and after having let Steve alone for a day, they quickly had set an intervention.

The door of his place had remained closed when they knocked but, like an amateur, Steve had let one window open. He couldn't even feign to be surprised when they suddenly were in his kitchen this morning.

 

Now, he was letting his frustration out by training against his friends who quickly noticed his more aggressive demeanor when it came to fighting. Since he wasn’t saying much about the "Sam issue", it wasn't hard to understand that he was, once again, repressing his emotions.

 

Bucky groaned as he jumped back into place, trying three times in a row to get Steve in the neck only to sucker punch him in the end.

 

Steve saw multiple stars but kept an even face before tempting a frontal assault.

 

“I mean, if he gave me something there’s simply no way he couldn’t at the very least acknowledge your existence. There must be something else”

 

Steve didn't know what to feel about the faith Bucky was showing currently. He believed in Sam more than he would ever know and maybe the whole issue was just an ego problem.

 

“Maybe there is. Maybe there isn’t” he simply answered. His frustration started to get the better of him as he punched repeatedly Bucky’s arm up in defense “Maybe” *punch* “he” *punch* “didn’t” *punch* “care!”.

 

He finished his sentence by punching so hard Bucky was forced back and Steve jumped on his shoulders in a move that was typically Natasha’s before letting himself fall back and throw Bucky away with the strength of the movement and his tights.

 

“Tell me how you are totally not angry again” Bucky complained while getting up. He massaged his shoulder and made them roll.

 

“Fine, I am angry, I am hurt. I feel like a fool, happy?”

 

“Nobody’s happy about that Steve” Natasha said, getting closer to join the fight. “We know you two were close”

 

Steve attacked her and couldn’t lend one finger on her at first “As close as anyone else here”

 

Steve felt a kick in his back and that actually projected him on Natasha who, surprised, couldn’t fully avoid him.

 

“Wow, now that’s what I call a lie, don’t you agree Nat?”

 

Steve gave him a nasty glare.

 

“The lie was so good even I got surprised. Bucky is right. This isn’t normal. Something must have happened”

 

Steve wondered if Sam was angry with him when he recorded the video.

Was he as frustrated by the situation between them as was Steve? He remembers the many times he thought something would happen between them only for one of them to break the moment. They always chickened out.

He thought about all the little things between them, even when he was still with Sharon. Little things that started eating his mind and he had guiltily talk to his girlfriend about it.

He hadn’t realized they were breaking up until it was too late.

 

“What do we do about his family?” Bucky asked and Steve stopped mid movement.

 

He looked at him without understanding at first, then it registered and Steve frowned at his two friends, mouth agape.

He closed his eyes, and his mouth, before deciding « I’ll go, Sunday. I believe his family usually goes to church and Sam used to say that they would eat together after when they were younger »

He couldn’t let anyone else do it, even if he would have gave everything not to have to do it in the first place.

 

* * *

 

 

He hated to come unannounced, especially to give them  _that_  news but he wouldn’t fail Sam.

He had to do it despite regretting agreeing to it deeply twenty minutes after saying so.

 

There wasn’t even a body.

 

They had been caught in some sort of explosion and only pieces of their suit were left. He had nothing to go see his mother and sister with. Nothing but his words and the video.

 

Well, he couldn’t exactly say that it was uncommon in their work field but still.

 

He knew Hope took care of everything for Scott and Natasha did the same for Clint. He could imagine how hard it was, death had been part of Steve’s life for a while now.

 

The days separating him from his sort of self imposed duty were going on too fast. Sunday came in a blink and he felt awful. He finished getting ready, putting on his most formal clothes.

He had the surprise of seeing Bucky in a similar fashion out of his apartment.

 

He didn’t say anything, just moved with him to the elevator with a grim look on his freshly shaven face.

Steve let him ride the car during the two hours and a half separating them from Darlene Wilson’s house, radio playing on a station they knew wouldn't have any music reminding them of him too much.

 

Sam death was hyper-present and surreal to Steve at the same time. He couldn't not think about him. He could be talking to someone, eating, listening to music even fighting and he would imagine Sam commenting on it, putting his warm hand on his shoulder or teasing him. And that was without having put a foot in his apartment since his disappearance. He wasn’t feeling strong enough for that.

 

They arrived around one pm and waited in the car because none of them would get out of it.

 

Bucky broke the silence, voice tight “We have to do it. For him”

 

Steve softly replied “I know”, seeing through the window not only Darlene but Sarah as well as a man he believed to be the father of Sarah’s young daughter, Caroline.

 

He had thought again and again on what to say but couldn’t find anything that didn't sound dumb.

Despite his lack of eloquence he opened the door and got out of the car, Bucky right behind him.

 

He felt sick. All they had was the USB with the video on it and some papers the lawyer wanted them to bring along.

 

He let his hands knock on the door and felt Bucky press his shoulder lightly.

 

The door opened on a smiling Darlene, still in her church attire.

 

“Steve Rogers and James Barnes, what a pleasant surprise” she welcomed, craning her neck to look who else was there “Where’s Sam?”

They didn’t dare move one bit, paralyzed by the reality of what they were about to announce.

She repeated “Where’s my son?” This time with more conviction.

 

“Mom? Who’s this?” The voice of Sarah asked from inside the house but getting closer.

 

She arrived only a few seconds later but it was seconds of silence and it’s finally when Steve saw the two of them next to each other that he finally said “I am deeply sorry, Sam is...” he knew tears were already falling and he had to see the face of the two women start to crumble under his voice “Sam is dead” he whispers before clearing his voice, whip his tears away “Sam is dead” he repeated looking at the two of them in the eyes.

 

“No” Sarah let escape while her mom blinked.

 

“Wh...what do you mean dead?” She asked as if multiple possibilities existed. Well, after all, she was kind of right.

 

“During the last invasion, he sacrificed himself to destroy a portal and was caught in the explosion. Unfortunately there’s nothing left” Bucky provided, sending chills down Steve’s spine.

 

“How do you know he is dead then?!” Darlene almost screamed, her voice stronger than he thought she could produce. “He could be just somewhere else, I mean...”

 

Steve shook his head, unable to find the right words.

 

“He isn’t dead” Sarah repeated.

 

Steve thought he was going crazy. He looked at Bucky who spoke instead “I understand the shock. We wouldn’t have come if we had any kind of doubt. He left a video for you, do you want to see it? We also have some papers we need you to read”

 

“Babe, who’s that?” A masculine voice called and Sarah didn’t answered, prompting the middle age black man to come see by himself. “What is happening here? Who are you?”

 

“We...” Steve starts only to be cut by Sarah.

 

“They are Sam colleagues and they are here to tell us that Sam is dead”

 

“What?!” The guy looked at everyone, not understanding fully the situation.

 

“Let’s see that video” Darlene said without any warmth, making everyone go to the living room where a young four years old girl started looking at them with curiosity.

 

“We should go” Bucky tried but was stopped by Darlene’s “I don't think so”.

 

Steve felt the anger in her that could only be that strong when it was laced with denial. He had no idea what to do beside give them the little key they set on the TV.

After two minutes of painful silence, Sarah’s managed to play the video.

 

Bucky said just before she hit play “I don’t think this is for us, maybe we could wait outside?”

 

Darlene looked at him with a face that made him turn to the TV without interrupting again.

 

“Mom, Sarah, I hope you two are okay. I hope the war couldn’t reach you and that you are safe. I know it’s going to be everywhere and I can only pray. Yes, I’ll pray for this one mom”

 

Sam seemed a little less defeated than in the other video but his fingers could find no rest, either opening and closing or twisting his clothes.

 

“I don’t know how to say that with diplomacy so I’ll just say it. If you see this video, it means that I’m dead. I planned this some time ago to make sure I could speak to you one last time”

 

The video was as long as the one for his friends even if he was only talking to his mom and sister. He also let himself be more vulnerable.

 

“Don’t be mad at whoever brings you the video. Don’t be mad at my team, my friends. You two already know the cost of helping people”

 

Sarah almost chocked on her tears, forcing herself to still look at the video. Her child, confused at what was happening started frowning, her father soothing her by her side.

 

Bucky was trained to pick up all the little sounds in his environment, he had a hard time staying still.

 

“You’ll get some of my stuff, of course, do what you want with them. The money I have saved is for you. Please, go somewhere nice...somewhere safe. I wish I could be certain that we will win tomorrow, I’m scared you know? But I don’t want that to stop me. I’ll fight for you. I love you, I’m sorry” he finished.

 

The video stopped, the white sign to start again breaking the moment.

 

“No, not my son. Not my baby” Darlene cried, rushing out of the room.

 

Sarah was sobbing and the man tried to comfort her silently while their daughter started joining her, emphatic to her mother distress.

 

“I think you should go” the man said without any venom.

 

Bucky was quick to oblige, dropping the papers on the table and leaving without a word.

 

“My condolences” Steve forced himself to say, following his friend.

 

They sat in the car, Bucky passing a hand on his jaw before hitting the wheel.

 

“Fucking Wilson. Fuck him. Okay? How could he die? Who gave him the right?!”

 

Steve was surprised at the outburst and even more when Bucky started fighting hard not to cry. Reasonably, he knew they were actually kind of friends but they both made sure to not let that fact be well known.

The last of his doubts had been erased when Sam left clothes to Bucky. He knew his best friend had already got them in his place.

 

“I hate him. I swear I hate him. I could kill him myself right now”

 

“Bucky...”

 

“No, he...he left them Steve. That poor girl...we went here last thanksgiving and this is how we repay them? Showing up to bring them nothing but misery? This is his fault!”

 

“Stop that, this isn’t fair” Steve pleaded, lost by his friend’s anger, even if he understood that he wasn’t really hating on Sam.

 

“Why is this hurting me so much?” Bucky finally questioned, eyes to the window.

 

“I know” Steve answered, putting a hand on his best friend neck.

 

“I’m sorry Steve. This is the second time you loose someone you...” Bucky stopped to look at Steve “Sorry”

 

“It’s okay, it doesn’t matter anymore” he lied with a small voice.

 

Bucky started the car with anger and frustration and they arrived in the same state.

Steve felt drained. He didn’t need as many sleep as a regular person but that night, he actually slept for more than twelves hours in one setting.

 

 

His body felt heavy and he noticed Natasha on the bed next to him, working on a slim portable computer, her fingers almost weren’t making any noises.

She used a hand to reach a water bottle and pass it to Steve silently.

 

He drank before moving to sit.

 

She looked at him for a second because saying with gravity, “Tony is coming”


	3. Chapter 3

That wasn’t the type of news he wanted to hear right after waking up.  
  
They had only saw each other from afar during the last battle and before that, barely talked to take down Thanos.  
None of their issues had been resolved and he couldn’t imagine a single reason for him to come to them unless it was with bad news and troubles.  
  
“When?” He asked more awake than before.  
  
Natasha looked sorry for him “In an hour. He didn’t say why”  
  
Steve nodded, patted her knee and got up to get prepared.

  
  
It wasn’t a surprise that Natasha and Bucky were here with him. Even the staff was ready to deal with Tony Stark. The fact that he walked in alone, if not for the two agents escorting him, wasn’t enough to get anybody to relax.  
  
He was only wearing black clothes and his glasses were opaque enough to hide his eyes as well. He stopped in front of them, taking the glasses away. After a second he presented his hand to Steve.  
  
“I am sorry for your losses”  
  
Well, it wasn’t a bad start Steve thought, taking the hand in his to shake it.  
  
“And we are sorry for yours”  
  
“I was in space making sure they wouldn’t come back. I am sorry I couldn’t be here sooner” he said without any trace of his usual snark.  
Steve felt his guts twist because it meant something serious was happening. He already knew that Tony wouldn’t have come here without a reason but now, somehow, it felt more personal.  
  
“We’re not done but I needed to come back and...well, have you ever had someone dead make an angry video at you? It was definitely a premiere to me” Tony said with a face showing that he was still surprised at that.  
  
Steve barely could ask “What?” before Tony talked again.  
  
“I mean, he did made some points but it was sort of a shock. Even you wouldn’t deny that he was being petty at times. But I can admit that he was right on some issues, I’ll give him that”  
  
“Who are you talking about?” Bucky interrupted.  
  
Tony blinked “Sam of course”  
  
“Of course” Bucky repeated, looking at Natasha and Steve as if Tony had lost his mind.

 

Natasha was slightly tenser and Bucky understood that she was ready to block Steve, should he react poorly to that.  
  
He was way more incredulous than angry when he asked “Sam made you a video?“. He felt Natasha’s hand on his back.  
  
”I was as shocked as you. But since it was mostly to explain why he was angry at me and why I needed to make peace with you, the three of you, I guess it makes sense”  
  
“Is that why you’re here?” Natasha asked “make peace?”  
  
Tony adjusted his black tie “Partially. I can’t deny him his last wishes I guess. He was a great guy”  
  
“Yeah he was” Steve trailed, not sure about what to do.  
  
It was the kind of thing Sam would do, try to bring them together. They talked about it sometimes, Tony, but the possible executions weren't all that inspiring. He guessed Tony may had felt like that too from his perspective.  
  
“You are right, we should try” he concluded.  
  
“Nice, buddy, is this the moment we all hug? Because none of you really look like the hugger type but I could be wrong” he asked with open arms. He was back to his natural self. _It wasn't that bad_ Steve thought.  
  
“I give great hugs” Bucky deadpanned, making Natasha laugh quietly.  
  
Steve put a hand on his shoulder with a smile “one step at a time”.  
  
Tony frowned suddenly, he seemed lost in his thought for a moment.  
  
“Tony?” Natasha called.  
  
“I’m fine, it’s just...he said...Sam, that if I took the first step and I was genuine about it, that you would...try too. Like, it was that simple. Weird uh?”  
  
Steve’s heart clenched. Even from another realm, Sam found a way to help the one he cared about.  
He didn’t know how to start with Tony, their relationship always been a bit complicated from things none of them could control.  
  
“He also said that if he knew you as well as he thought he did, and that you did accept my proposition, I should give you this”  
  
He took a small shield looking flash drive out of his pocket and presented it to Steve.  
  
The man couldn’t believe his eyes, his breath cut short for a second. He couldn’t move. Was it real or a play of his mind? He wanted so much to have something from Sam, just a few words for him, just hearing his voice would be enough.  
Anything.  
  
Tony, feeling Steve’s turmoil, took his hand, opened his palm and put the flash drive on it before closing it.  
  
“I know what’s it’s like to feel like you didn’t have enough time with someone. I hope it will bring you some peace boyscout”  
  
With that, he left.

  
  
Somehow, even being more grounded that they ever saw him, Tony Stark managed to be the center of attention and leave an impression on all the witnesses.

  
  
Steve brought the small object to his chest as the rest of the world started moving again.  
  
“Go Rogers” Natasha encouraged with a smile.  
  
Bucky passed his hand in his friend’s hair before pushing him in direction of the elevator.  
Taking the hint, Steve walked quickly, barely able to contain himself. The anticipation alone could make him implode right now. Everything was taking too long, the elevator, the hallway, getting in his apartment.  
  
He felt the silence around him, taking off his boots and his vest. He looked at the computer, taking in a deep breath.  
He sat and suddenly hesitated.  
What if it wasn’t what he was expecting? Did Tony looked at it?

He put the drive next to his keyboard, eyeing it like it could disappear anytime.  
  
He needed to do it. He missed Sam so much he would be satisfied even with a freaking grocery list.  
Well, not really. Nothing would be enough except him being here again.

  
  
Once plugged in, a file immediately opened on the screen.   
It had a lot of pictures and two videos named Steve1 and Steve2.  
  
He started with the pictures and felt his heart hurt.  
It was of the two of them. From the day they started to look for Bucky years ago to a few days before the invasion.  
He even touched the screen, hoping to feel Sam’s skin again under his fingers. He couldn’t, of course. It was frustrating but it wouldn’t let that stop him. On some of them, Natasha was here, Wanda too, even one with Vision. There was one with Scott and his daughter, several at the last thanksgiving with his family.  
Steve was already crying by the time he saw  a third them but  some of the tears were from the joy to see something Sam made for him and him only.  
He went around the pictures way too quickly to his tastes even if there was maybe a hundred of them.  
  
He had to pause to pass some water on his face before allowing himself to open the first video.  
  
“Hey Steve. I bet you thought I forgot you” Sam laughed “This isn’t funny at all, really. I already did the video for the team and my family and I think my nerves are just breaking.  
I have so much to say to you and the impression that I can’t find anything interesting at the same time.  
Would you mind if I started talked about nothing really?

I decided to give this to Tony because…Well, we talked about building a bridge between the two of you  but never acted on it and it’s time you two square up to get the shit out of the room. We are all stronger as a team and I pray he’ll listen…I pray he’ll survive too because if not, my whole plan is kaput. I hope it makes sense”

 

Steve wanted to roll his eyes as if Sam was here and could see him. He was right about Tony but it didn’t mean that he had to give him this. It was too personal, it shouldn’t have come with a condition. Besides, what if Tony had died? What if Tony had decided not to give him anything?

  
“Let’s get this out of the way, whatever happen tomorrow isn’t your fault. I already made the choice to protect everyone, to protect you, no matter the cost. All of us did.  
Too many of us had that self-sacrificing personality and it sucks. I hoped we could stop them before it came to this but I know now we won’t have another chance”  
They both wiped the tears out of their face at the same time, Steve pausing the video to take the time to breathe and calm his nerves.  
  
“If the two of you are alive, Tony and you will need each other so I had to make sure you would at least have the opportunity to initiate a conversation.  
If he is dead, it means you received this by other means.  
I am taking a very wild bet here. Damn it, if you never have this...I should just put this in your apartment instead of pushing you toward Stark, what am I doing?”  
Sam stopped to look at the camera for a few seconds.  
  
“I never regretted following you, never. We did so much good, even when it felt like we lost, even when we couldn’t save everyone. We did good. I know we did.  
If I had to do it again, I would, be sure of that Steve.  
  
As you may know, I left some things to Bucky and some to my Ma and little sister. I want you to have my suit, my phone and my computer. In fact, take everything you want. You’ll find in my closet your Christmas present. Yeah, I brought it in advance but...”  
Sam took his face in his hands, trying to stop his voice from getting more unsteady.  
  
The video ended with him saying “I’m sorry”  
  
Steve was such a mess, he started sobbing on himself. It wasn’t fair, he thought, but life never been fair in the first place and the fact that he had access to this file was already so much more than what other people may have had.  
They had spend so much time together and it was gone in the blink of an eye.   
The weight of this loss was different from the others in a way he was almost ashamed of.  
  
The hope and relief he felt the second Tony showed him the flash drive were definitely selfish. Here he was, alone, crying over a man he admired.  
  
He knew it wasn’t his fault per say, but he had been one of the reason to Sam’s presence there that day. On the other side, the attack had been global. Even if he hadn’t met Sam, chances are he would have...no it didn’t matter. All of this didn’t matter in the end.  


He wanted nothing more than having Sam in his arms, taking him on his offer to walk away all these months ago. They never did. They never will

 

  
  
He looked at the file for the second video but since it was the last piece of Sam Wilson, in a way, he wanted to savor it. Keep it until he couldn’t wait anymore.  
Instead, he looked again at the pictures, preparing some mails to the friends that was on them to show them.  
He looked at the video again, and again, until he could notice every aborted sentences, heavy silences. He scrutinized the video with focus and dedication.  
  
He missed Sam in a way that left his heart itching.


	4. Chapter 4

The rest of the day disappeared quickly, finally getting out after six p.m. to go take some fresh air and grab food, maybe.  
Five minute out of the facility and Steve already felt impatient.  
  
“You okay?” Bucky asked from the parking where is own car was, making Steve jump as his mind was definitely far away.  
  
While he was swimming in his memories of Sam, the world kept moving.  
  
Bucky was in casual clothes and the navy shirt he was wearing, a little tighter that what he would usually wear made Steve realize who it belonged to before. His best friend looked dashing in it with his black jean and brown moccasins.  
  
“Uh, yeah, why? You look good, are you going somewhere?”  
  
“T’Challa and Shuri will be in Manhattan tonight, I’m supposed to meet with him tonight and then her tomorrow”  
Steve smiled at that, he was glad Bucky managed to get even closer to the siblings. Him making new friends was a good thing.  
He thought that his best friend still had trouble connecting with people and he knew Bucky had been way more closed when it came to let someone “in” than he was before everything.  
“I saw your mail earlier,” Bucky continued with a soft smile “I knew he couldn’t have forgotten you. Impossible”  
  
Steve blushed “Yeah, yeah, I was scared okay?”  
  
“Impossible, I told ya” Bucky said with more strength and a wider smile as he got in the car “See ya tomorrow punk”

  
  
Steve was lighter, not feeling for the first time since the absence of his friend like a hand was trying to choke him. What was done was done, even if he wanted to change it.  
  
He was at peace enough to ask about the aftermath of the invasion and what exactly Scott and Sam did.  
  
He knew the aliens had opened portals all around the world and that the collective force of heroes (all sorts of them) managed to destroy a very important ship, pushing them to flee. He also knew that some portals got pirated by someone and allowed a number of heroes to actually hit back. It was during one of their counter assault that the both of them met their end.  
  
“I have a team working hard to get all the portals but we can only work in the United States and some of them already got in the wrong hands. Sometimes, things from outside are trying to get through them. Nothing’s better to start your week than having to save Texas’s governor who thought using a portal as a way to send political opponents away was a good idea” Tony told him the next time he came by the facility. If Steve didn’t knew him he would almost think that he missed them.  
  
“Did you get them back?” Steve asked him, arms crossed not in a gesture of rejection but to think about what the man had just said.  
  
“No. We are working on it but it’s complicated. Some portals are linked weirdly so you could, theoretically, open something and appears in Honolulu or on the Moon, or on another planet. That’s sort of annoying. Impossible to know where they have been sent. We have to study the tech.”  
  
“I hope they see still okay but that seems unlikely. The Verobians needed a mask to breathe on hearth” He sighted, not particularly hopeful. “And if they could be anywhere in the universe, it’s even worse”  
  
Tony taped on the table with his fingers, thoughtful.  
  
“Yeah but sometimes, at least having a body to burry can get you some sort of closure” he whispered.  
  
Steve knew that Tony’s chauffeur and, above that, friend, had been amongst the one dragged through one of the portals. He couldn’t blame people to think that they may be out there somewhere. A small numbers of them where founded on hearth after all.  
  
“Maybe you could ask Shuri for help?”  
  
“The princess of Wakanda?” He laughed at that “She isn’t very fond of me”  
He didn’t say more about her but Steve could potentially see why.  
  
He still tried to reassure him and told him how now would be a great time to work on a common goal. He knew Shuri could put aside her personal feeling for Tony Stark long enough to find something.  
  
Tony had that little smile of his “Steve Rogers, did you took a diplomacy class? You almost made me check my phone to see if I had her number”  
  
Steve grinned at that “I can give good advices sometimes”  
  
When Tony left, Steve didn’t felt bad, angry or anything negative. He couldn’t tell if they were working toward something a little more solid than their past relationship, which never really has been all that friendly but it seemed better.  
Sam, and others, had been right, it was better for everyone if Tony and he could work together without making everything blow at the first sign of disagreement.  
  
Because of their relationship, they started to be called too to clean up the portals on American soil.  
There has been twenty reported and Tony already took care of half of them. The problem was laying in the one that was in the hands of other people who weren’t exactly cooperative about it.  
  
One of the portals in particular had been activated a few hours ago and was in possession of a drug lord. The man was making business with different types of aliens and amongst them, the Verobians.  
Tony insisted on how rare and crucial having access to one of the only still working portal was. “An opportunity like this cannot be wasted, We need you to get to where it is guarded with discretion” he had asked. Steve wanted to know since when Tony knew anything about discretion but he kept his mouth shut.  
  
Natasha was in. They had to call Bucky and his answer was “We are coming”.  
Steve thought he talked about T’Challa since he came back in New York faster than initially planned but it was Shuri they saw accompanying Bucky.  
  
In a matter of a few hours, they had a plan to get to the portal without risking too much to be exposed and the portal deactivated. Without surprise, it involved another group to catch the attention of every criminal and aliens in the most distracting way possible.  
  
The authorities were surprisingly cooperative but Steve guesses that since the invasion, they had proven themselves enough for the authorities to be, sometimes, more accommodating. Besides, someone would get a promotion with that kind of mass arrestation.  
  
Tony, Natasha and Shuri were doing the infiltration part while Steve and Bucky attacked right at the front door before pushing inside.  
They indeed had the unpleasant surprise to see a dozen Verobians here. Since they knew their weaknesses, it was being quite easier to manage them even if their weapons were nothing to laugh at.  
  
“We are in place” Shuri informed them barely seven minutes after the assault started. It was going as planned and for that, Steve felt grateful.  
  
It took twenty minutes, with the intervention of a special task force, to wrap everything up.  
  
Tony and Shuri were taking care of the portal, Natasha was interrogating one of the ‘scientist’ who was working on the portal and one the Verobian leading his group.  
  
Turns out, the portals’ destinations were not random at all but pre-programmed at different time. You just needed to know where using a certain portal at a certain time would led you.  
  
“It has an entry log, if we can crack it open and understand it, we might be able to gather useful information,” Shuri had told Bucky and Steve as they were leaving the vast mansion.  
  
Steve wasn’t sure what exactly they would do with that. All he wanted was for the portals to disappear and never see these golden coloured energy gates again.  
He didn’t even want to be around them for too long, knowing that one of them had been a tool in his friends’ death.  
  
Once again, he rushed at his place until he could see some pictures of Sam.  
Sometimes it made him feel better, other times he would start to cry. He looked the same video again, the cursor ghosting over the second one.  
  
He felt stupid; not looking at it. It really wasn’t as if it would be more precious later. Besides, what if Sam gave him some instructions in the video? Like he did with the one for the Avengers?  
  
He waited until the night came, breathing deeply to calm himself before clicking on it.  
  
It had been recorded at early morning the day of the attack.  
Sam was partially suited up.  
He looked like he hadn’t had a lot of sleep, the thirst minute was just him looking at the camera or around in silence, then he started talking.

 

“Did you know, the first time we met, I thought you were flirting with me?”

 

Steve was mortified; not thinking this would be the topic of the video. He was as embarrassed as he would be if Sam were right here in front of him.

 

“I know now that I was wrong, I knew it the second I understood who you were but for a few seconds, I believed it. And yes, you were a little shit back then, so it would have been a very weird move anyway but maybe grandpas like you flirt like rocks, what do I know?”

 

He looked at the camera, tears falling slowly.

 

“I thought, everyone was a little in love with Captain America, so I didn’t thought too much about it when I started seeing you differently. By the time I understood what I was feeling for you, it was already too late. I wasn’t in love with Captain America, I was in love with Steve Rogers”

 

“Oh my God” Steve said, having to pause the video to walk the shock out. “Okay, okay, you have to look at the rest Rogers”

 

“When you got with Sharon, I honestly thought that it was nice that you finally got someone. I like her.” He said with a nod. “I got used to keep this kind of feeling under wrap even if you made it almost impossible sometimes. Sometimes…Sometimes I believed you might…Sorry, shit, I’m sorry Steve I don’t make a lot of sense here”. He had to pause before speaking again “ I think it was wishful thinking in a sense, I was just looking too deep into certain things…” he closed his eyes “I’m sorry. I don’t really know why I want to tell you this. I hope you aren’t mad”

 

“Sam…”

 

“We know each other for so long and not once did I say that I love you. So? Here it is, Steve Rogers, I love you. I have been in love with you for years and I feel like an idiot because I do not understand how I managed to stay silent about it”

 

The fact that Steve was hitting half the video was slowly making him crazy.

 

“Do you remember two years ago, after that mission in Italy, Barnes and I had a fight and we didn’t talk for almost a month? You tried so damn hard to get us to be fiends again” He laughed “Friends…Damn, I wonder if Bucky thinks of me as a friend. I do. Anyway, we lied, we were not fighting because we were trying to have the same woman, we were fighting because he confronted me about me being in love with you. We said a lot of mean things to each other at that time. I have no idea why he wanted me to tell you so damn much”

 

“He likes you, you idiot” Steve cried.

 

“Your friend is weird but he is, even now, one of the best you could have Rogers. I hope we are all okay by the end of it. I swear, if we are alive, I will tell you all of this myself. It might be the biggest mistake in my life, maybe you won’t ever look at me the same way…Now that I think of it, I don’t know what I would do in that case”

He has an exhausted face, red eyes and shivers occasionally “I have to go. Please, stay safe”.

 

 

During the following week, Steve would start crying at the most ransom times, then, because Bucky wouldn’t leave him alone, he decided to talk to him about the flash drive. He needed to share that with his friend.

He didn’t get the soothing and calming response he hoped for, instead, Bucky told him about the incident Sam mentioned in his video.

 

“I tried to talk to him, you know? That time I convinced him to go to a bar with me. I wanted to at least try to be friend but out of nowhere, a woman started flirting with him and I thought she was cute so I jokingly said that Sam was already interested in someone else.  But then the whole thing blew up and…I just said that I knew he was in love with you to get him to back off. I wasn’t even sure about it but he just completely changed. He was so scared and I was fed up…so...”

 

“So?”

 

“So I told him I would told you and…well, you know the rest”

 

“The bar has been completely destroyed!” Steve remembered, scandalized.

 

Bucky was thoughtful for a while, his anger being replaced by sadness suddenly “Well, he was particularly furious. He said things…He knew how to hurt me in a way that I didn’t think was possible, especially from him. So I did the same and…It was just horrible all around. In retrospect, we were closer than I thought we were. He makes me angry”

 

“Bucky…”

 

“I know, I know, it’s just...” he sighted “I wish he hadn’t wait to die to tell you this”

 

Steve could not agree more.

 

 

The rest of the week went quickly, according to Steve. He tried to focus on his missions and not think about what could have been with Sam.

He couldn’t help it, each time he wasn’t actively doing something, it was the same thing.  He was disappointed in both of them. He thought they barely had any secrets but neither of them had tried to take the extra step necessary to change the nature of their relationship.

The problem when you left things unsaid is that it could be up for interpretation and, unfortunately, they both draw the wrong conclusion.

 

 

Shuri and Tony were working on the portals and did make interesting discoveries about it even if learning how to navigate in them was a challenge.

By the second day, Tony brought all of the portals he had in the “old” Avengers Tower. By day three, Hope and Hank Pym were here too.

 

Oh, the bickering was endless and so entertaining for the rest of the team.

 

 

As a real friend, Bucky would often pop to keep them company. More to offer a moral support to Shuri at first but Tony did try to be cordial, which was a plus. Hope was trying to keep everyone focussed but still took some low blow to Stark, their rival in business.

 

“So, this is the entries for people on their way in, and here on their way out” Shuri was showing Bucky “We have the coordinates there and we have to cross them with…”

 

“What about that one?” Bucky cut, his finger on the screen to a line amongst the thousands of others.

 

Shuri’s shrugged “Well, that one is sort of bugging, I don’t know. It’s like every once in a while it’s receiving data it doesn’t manage so it just stay there. If someone is trying to go through, they clearly don’t know what they are doing. What even is that? The coordinates are all wrong”

 

She started complaining about it so much that Hope went to peak at it too. She started frowning “Dad, you need to see this”.

 

The old man walked quickly, looking at the screen with perplexity. “What on earth…”

 

“It’s him, I’m sure it’s him” Hope suddenly said, pushing her dad away “We need to open it”

 

“Wait, what?” Tony asked loudly from the other side of the room.

 

“I know it’s Scott, it has to be” she breathed “Where is the portal?”

“Follow me” Shuri said, already moving away, Hope and Hank behind her.

Bucky and Tony shared a look then start to run to follow them.

 

They got in what looked like a giant hangar, with fourteen portals neatly aligned. Shuri started to check the tag on them then stopped at one near the far east, more than a little burned and broke but still standing.

They pushed it away with the help of Tony and Bucky to have a better access then start working.

 

It took them three days to stabilize it enough to be satisfied. In the meantime, Bucky was the one who announced what was going on to Steve. Neither of them said the name of Sam but they were thinking about it. Steve was ashamed to immediately go there, as if Scott was just an afterthought. He deserved more and he genuinely was happy at the idea of bringing Cassie’s dad back.

 

The security was at the maximum when they finally were ready. Everyone was suited up, Hope and Hank lunching the program.

 

Steve feared that the thing would explode with the sound it made and the vibrations he could feel just by standing in front of it.

Suddenly, two things happened at the same time, something came out of the portal and it collapsed on itself in a pile of dust.

 

The something was someone.

 

Steve got closer; Bucky on his right, Tony on his left.

 

It was Scott.

 

He started to cough violently, Hope rushing toward him. Steve helped him and Helen Cho was called immediately.

“S…Ssss…” he tried to say but Hope tried to shut him up, he didn’t seemed in condition du talk but he kept trying “Sss, nnmm, Saaam” he moaned, pain finally making him pass out.

 

Steve couldn’t hear anything else.

 

Was Sam alive ?

 

 

Extra

 

It took them two weeks to be able to open a portal to where Scott had been. Stuck between dimensions, they were ghosts in a completely frozen and colourless world. Unable to interact with anything they had not had on them when they used the portal.

He tried to make with only his suit and Sam’s, including redwing, a way to send a signal but he had no idea it was working. Sam decided a few days before Scott were rescued to left the place, hating to be stuck in the same place.

 

In this world, the portal was still exactly in the same place they had found it, in a school near the north of Boston. Even with the depiction of Scott, it was weird to see everything in shades of white, black and grey.

They decided to go on the rooftop to send a sign Sam would see if he was around here. They were also prepared to the few Verobians they knew crossed over there right before the explosion. Scott was sure that they hadn’t killed them all.

Wanda sent her power flying in loud fireworks, the red tainting everything around them. The plan was to repeat the signal every half an hour for two hours. By the second signal, Bucky warned “I got a move near the church, two Verobians”

 

“I’ll go talk to them, if they try anything funny, you got them,” Steve said, getting out of the school to go meet them in the middle of the street. “Aye Captain” he heard, stopping to let the two aliens get closer.

 

Through their breathing mask, one of them asked, “What are you doing here?” in a non-threatening way. It was the first time one of them actually talked to him so he was surprised by the question.

 

“I am here to find a friend of mine; I hope he is still alive”

 

The two Verobians looked at each other, then said something to a pendant around their thick blue neck. They seemed to be waiting for something before asking, “Who is your friend?”

 

“The Falcon. Sam Wilson”

 

They did a very weird sound, their head tilting a little, once again saying something in their necklace before simply siting on the ground.

Steve blinked, not sure about what to do right now.

 

“Steve, someone is coming” Bucky warned in his com.

 

Surely, after a few minutes, a caped figure emerged from the same path the two Verobians came. Steve felt electricity in all his body and his eyes were wild. He needed to be sure it was really him.

 

“I have no idea if this human is supposed to be beautiful or not” One of the Verobian said, looking at Steve.

 

“It’s like trying to rank Hyt’cl’ur, they are all ugly”

 

They made the same noise again and Steve understood that they were laughing.

Sam took the cape off, his brown eyes digging deep into Steve’s.

 

“You’re coming home or what?”

 

Sam smiled “Yeah, I got some…I wouldn’t say friends exactly”

 

“Hey!” one of the aliens groaned.

 

“But they aren’t all that terrible. They’ll come too” Sam continued.

 

The other alien was complaining, “How will we even eat their food if we can’t even breathe there?”

 

Steve was baffled but Sam started to walk to him and, hesitantly tried to put his hand on Steve’s arm. The blond was having none of that, he swooped Sam in his arms and started kissing his hair and face.

“I got your videos”

 

Sam just hid his face in Steve shoulder “Oh, I am going to be so dead”

 

Steve tugged a little for Sam to look at him. He dropped a small peck on his lips, not trusting himself to do more and staying in control right now “You totally are”.


End file.
